Scott Mills, Ph.D.
In the Western world we are suffering from destination addiction. We are always trying to reach the finish line and often don’t even notice as we round the track. When we reach the goal we rarely spend much time appreciating it. Rather we take off for the next goal.
But what if you don’t reach the goal? Does that mean that no learning, no living, no growth happens along the way? For many, the answer is yes. This narrow view of looking at the world not only robs the joy from our lives it also closes us down to the many opportunities we miss along the way while we are not paying attention. One of the most powerful things we can do to foster positive change in our lives is to pay attention to it as it happens. Here are four suggestions for how you can do that more often.
Robert Holden, Ph.D., director of the UK’s Happiness Project, sometimes asks his workshop participants if they eat a banana just to get to the end? Take a moment to ask yourself this questions? If the goal is purely to fill ourselves up then eating it just to finish gets the job done. But there is a sensuous joy in peeling the banana, the sound that the peel makes as it tears down the sides, the smell of the fruit as its exposed to the air and, of course, there is the lovely sweet taste. If we took our time to experience the banana fully in the process of eating it, it can be a sacred experience but we keep it locked in the world of the mundane. For me, life is too short not to take the time to experience it. Gratitude practices can be a great way to do this.
Say thank you!
Your mother surely told you this when you were growing up. Perhaps you think you have nothing to say thank you for. If this is the case, I challenge you to see if you can find five things to say thank you for today. For most of us, just getting up out of bed and ready for work in the morning provides lots of opportunities. I can be thankful for the many, many people whose efforts went into the food I eat for breakfast. I can be thankful that I am asleep in a building that is safe from animals and well heated. I can be thankful that I have clean clothes to wear. I can be thankful that I am healthy and that I have people who love me. That’s all in the first five minutes of my day so I know that there are more there for you! The simple act of noticing what you can be thankful creates space for more things like this to enter your life.
Pay attention to the small victories!
It took me nearly six years to complete my dissertation. I took on a project, perhaps larger than was wise, that had me researching in five different disciplines. It would have been easy to get overwhelmed and quit. Breaking up the task into small pieces like each book I needed to read, or the chapters that I needed to edit, allowed me to see how much closer I was getting to my goal and to appreciate it. You can do the same process of breaking anything large into smaller pieces. If you are making a change in your life, such as trying to eat healthier or lose weight, you can celebrate each time you choose to follow the new behavior in your life. The appreciation ends up making it easier to keep going.
Breathe!
We tend to live in the past or the future with little attention to the present. The present is, however, the only place we can actually experience joy. One of the easiest ways to reconnect to the present is simply to pay attention to your breathing for a minute or two. You can even practice gratitude for this amazing body of yours that can take oxygen from the air to fuel your body!
Gratitude journal
One of my clients told me the other day, after completing an inventory of the year, that when he started he was feeling like the year had been a bust. He couldn’t wait to ring in the New Year and leave this crappy year behind. But when he started to survey all that happened in his life he found he had achieved many of his goals, built some very strong relationships with friends and family, and continued to expand his business. He was stunned at the difference in his attitude when he took the time to pay attention.
While he was working on the year a daily gratitude journal is one of the most powerful way to shift your perspective from grey skies to seeing how often the sun is shining on you. It’s a simple practice in which you write down, at the end of every day, ten concrete, specific things that you are grateful for that happened that day. These are things like how delicious the blueberries you had with you breakfast were or how much fun it was playing with the dog this afternoon. Often clients have a hard time coming up with ten at the beginning but before long they are asking if they can add more to the list.
Practicing gratitude makes you a lighter, more compassionate and more fun person. When you see all the world is offering you it’s hard to be gloomy all the time. Pick one or two of these practices and try them out for a month. They take a tiny bit of time and can move you towards success faster than you dreamed.
Scott Mills,Ph.D. is an expert in the world of work life balance. As a life coach and consultant he works to create passion, purpose and power in the lives of extraordinary people just like you. You can read more of his blogs or find out more about him at www.joyandbalance.com
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