Joy and Balance

Happy Holidays? A Buddhist Approach to Dealing with Difficult People During the Holidays (Especially Your Family)

Scott Mills, Ph.D.

   This guy could be waiting for you at your office Christmas party.  He might be just waiting to tell you how Barack Obama will ruin the country or how Communists are taking over.  Maybe he's even your Uncle Phil and you will have to sit across from him as you eat your holiday meal.   Face it!  No matter who we are we just can't escape dealing with difficult people during the holidays (or most days for that matter) but we can choose a different way of dealing with them that will give us more peace.  Here are my top five tips for dealing with "difficult" people during the holidays.

Making the Holidays Meaningful: Honoring the True Spirit of Giving

Scott Mills, Ph.D.

    Christmas is supposed to look something like this.  There should be presents stacked to the ceilings and garland a plenty.   But is mass consumption really what the spirit of giving is all about?  Surely, the holiday giving spirit is, at its root, about really seeing the other person and giving a gift that matches them.   In the end it's all about connection.  So why not make your commitment this holiday season really be in the spirit of giving?  As one of my clients declared boldly this week, "this year, I commit to making the holidays a time of deep connection with friends and family!"  Here are a few ways that you might consider doing this.

1. Volunteer your time.   You don't need money to serve food to hungry people during the holidays.  You just need a willingness to share you time and your energy.   Look people in the eye, offer them the gift of your service and affirm their dignity as someone worthy of being seeing and served.   You can find lots of opportunities to do this kind of volunteer work through local religious organizations, by calling your local shelters or checking out craigslist where opportunities to volunteer are frequently posted. 

Making the Holidays Matter Again: Setting Your Holiday Intention

"Maybe Christmas," he thought, "doesn't come in a store.  Maybe Christmas...perhaps...means a little bit more."  - Grinch

    All the who's in Whoville seemed to be able to figure out, at least in Dr. Seuss's classic tale, that Christmas wasn't just about presents.  I like getting gifts as much as the next guy and finding the perfect gift for a friend or family member can be fun to.   But its not the gift that's the most exciting thing.  It's watching the joy on the face of the person you give the gift to and feeling seen when you recieve a gift that really speaks to who you are.   This year, why not join the Whos secretly living amongst you decide that you will celebrate something bigger this year.

    In any endeavor, knowing what you really want and setting your mind, heart and body in that direction makes a big difference.  If the three wise men had followed the wrong star, they wouldn't have reached their goal.  The same is true for us.  So to make the holidays joyful we have decide what it is we really want out of the holidays and then we can be creative about getting it.

    The part of Christmas I love best is connecting to my friends and family.  I love everyone getting together and sharing great stories, laughing, hugging, having a good time.   So my holiday intention is pretty simple.  I commit to the holidays being a time of connecting deeply to people I care about most.  From there I can figure out all the ways that I can make that happen.  Sure, giving and getting gifts is one of the ways that I can connect with people but there are so many more.  Making meals together, decorating the tree, taking walks (even in the snow), sharing hot cocoa and telling stories, seeing a movie, calling to catch up.  These are all things that we build our relationships on and that we remember for years to come.   What intention will you commit to for this holiday season?  What creative ways can you accomplish it?

Scott Mills,Ph.D. is a life coach and consultant working to create passion, purpose and power in the lives of extraordinary people just like you. You can read more of his blogs or find out more about him at www.joyandbalance.com