Joy and Balance

Risking Our Hearts for Change

Scott Mills, Ph.D.

It seems that we have all come to the conclusion that the world is in chaos and there is little that can be done.  I often find myself in conversations with friends where I try to point all the amazing work that is being done around the world, the changes of hearts and minds that are happening around every corner.  But risking hope feels like too much to ask.  Instead we can tear down possibility, wait for other people to create change and at least maintain our small view of the world when the actions of others fail.

But great men and women, instigators of change across the globe, have always known that, as Ghandi said, "We must be the change we wish to see in the world."  If we want peace, we must first bring peace to our minds and our hearts.  We must carry that peace into all of our actions.  And we must be willing to share in the risk of change with our brothers and sisters who are working for a better world.

The Poetry of Purpose and the Juiciness of Waking Up!

Scott Mills, Ph.D.

 As I was reflecting on how I work with people to help them see their sense of purpose, a dear friend sent the following poem from David Whyte.  It reminded me that finding our sense of purpose is a lot like waking up.  So many of us have been asleep to who we are and what we are all about.  The only option is to wake up. 

    It is not, however, just to wake up to the mundane, to the ordinary, to the shrill cry of our alarm signaling another empty day but rather to the fullness of life.  We wake up to our full potential when we claim our purpose and our place in the human family!

A Big Enough Vision to Succeed!

“Learn to recognize the counterfit coins          
 That may buy you just a moment of pleasure,
 But then drag you for days
 Like a broken man
 Behind a farting camel.” Hafiz

Scott Mills, Ph.D.

For many of us, our world has become quite small. In the midst of the great global information highway and multinational corporations, the possibility of eating foods from around the world in our own backyard, and instant news casts telling us of the latest from the smallest corners of the globe, we have gotten lost. It isn’t hard to feel powerless and nearly invisible in this world. What can you do that really matters? So we go about living small lives and hope someone else will do something to save us. Margaret Mead is famous for saying, “Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.” We still have the power to change the world even if only one person at a time. Having a big enough vision for ourselves creates the space to do that.

Parenting with Purpose: Setting Your Sails for Happiness

Scott Mills, Ph.D.

If you have ever walked into another room to get something and then completely forgotten what it was, you know what I mean when I say we have lost our purpose.   Many of us simply don’t know where we are heading and what our lives are about.   Figuring this out, especially when it can be done within the context of the family, can move us out of a fog and into the light. 

Purpose is the animating force of our life, like the breath or blood of the body.   When they are flowing well, we are filled with energy, vitality and health.  When they slow down or are stagnant we are in for trouble.  Every family, whether they name it or not, has a purpose.  Many families simply have survival as their purpose.  They have never thought beyond that possibility.  And unfortunately, when all you are aiming for is survival, that's all you're likely to get.

We Are the Ones We've Been Waiting For: Thinking Ahead to 2009

Scott Mills, Ph.D.
   

 2009 is just around the corner and it feels like the world has been turned upside down.  The U.S.  economy has collapsed.  Many others have followed.  Terrorists have attacked in Mumbai, India and the litany of horrors goes on and on.  At the same time the U.S. has inspired many around the world with the election of the first African American President.  Everywhere I turn people are discussing new ways to be in the world that are centered around community and compassion.  And in the midst of all the craziness is a sense of hope.   As you look forward into the new year, make plans and resolutions, I invite you to let the words of the Hopi Elders ring in your ears.  They are definitely ringing in mine!

Moving Beyond Unemployment: Regaining Our Sense of Connection

    Let's face it.  Unemployment can really stink.  When we lose our jobs we can become fundamentally disconnected from everything that's important to us.   For many Americans, even when we are working we feel like we are just keeping our heads above water.  When the job goes so does our identity, self-esteem, community and sense of purpose.   As depressing as this all may be, there is a path out of despair and back into meaningful work.  And for many, this may be an excellent opportunity to really challenge what work is about in their lives and find a different path. 

    We all know that losing our jobs can be profoundly disconnecting.  We tell people who we are by what we do.   I'm a nurse or a lawyer, a copy editor or a dog catcher.  Our professions function as shorthand for who we are.   In addition, we spend more time with the people at work than we spend with our families.  When we lose our jobs we become disconnected from our support network not to mention the familiar environment of our office.  And the depression that can follow losing our job may even disconnect us from our bodies.  If you have ever spent days on end on the couch feeling like you just don't have the energy to move you know what I'm talking about.

Making the Holidays Matter Again: Setting Your Holiday Intention

"Maybe Christmas," he thought, "doesn't come in a store.  Maybe Christmas...perhaps...means a little bit more."  - Grinch

    All the who's in Whoville seemed to be able to figure out, at least in Dr. Seuss's classic tale, that Christmas wasn't just about presents.  I like getting gifts as much as the next guy and finding the perfect gift for a friend or family member can be fun to.   But its not the gift that's the most exciting thing.  It's watching the joy on the face of the person you give the gift to and feeling seen when you recieve a gift that really speaks to who you are.   This year, why not join the Whos secretly living amongst you decide that you will celebrate something bigger this year.

    In any endeavor, knowing what you really want and setting your mind, heart and body in that direction makes a big difference.  If the three wise men had followed the wrong star, they wouldn't have reached their goal.  The same is true for us.  So to make the holidays joyful we have decide what it is we really want out of the holidays and then we can be creative about getting it.

    The part of Christmas I love best is connecting to my friends and family.  I love everyone getting together and sharing great stories, laughing, hugging, having a good time.   So my holiday intention is pretty simple.  I commit to the holidays being a time of connecting deeply to people I care about most.  From there I can figure out all the ways that I can make that happen.  Sure, giving and getting gifts is one of the ways that I can connect with people but there are so many more.  Making meals together, decorating the tree, taking walks (even in the snow), sharing hot cocoa and telling stories, seeing a movie, calling to catch up.  These are all things that we build our relationships on and that we remember for years to come.   What intention will you commit to for this holiday season?  What creative ways can you accomplish it?

Scott Mills,Ph.D. is a life coach and consultant working to create passion, purpose and power in the lives of extraordinary people just like you. You can read more of his blogs or find out more about him at www.joyandbalance.com

Video Games Save the World: Finding Purpose on the Internet

Scott Mills, Ph.D.

I have always loved video games.  Perhaps I am something of a nerd or maybe it's just that my generation grew up on Atari and have never quite got it out of our system.   But lately I have developed a serious addiction to a game called "World of Warcraft."   Of course, I'm not alone.  There are over two million people in the U.S.  (and millions more around the world) that are playing this game in an industry that claims over $10 billion per year with 60% of the country playing some sort of video games.   But as I really wanted to play my game (rather than doing my work) I had to wonder what made it so captivating?  I have a few guesses.

For those of you have not experienced World of Warcraft, or WOW, for short, it is a role playing game in which you create a character, gain experience to widen your possibilities in life as you engage in quests around the world.  It strikes me that there are two compelling reasons to play that point to what so many of us are longing for in our lives: meaning and community.

Meaning

Our culture seems pretty lost to me most days.  We don't have much sense of purpose even in the midst of ecological calamity and all of the other problems that our world faces.  But in the WOW world, players have a clear set of quests that they are given that lead to new adventures.   And these tasks are more often than not for the good of others.  I suspect that we are all searching for some clarity in purpose in our lives and for some of us, this is a way to practice achieving that in our lives.

Community

In the WOW world, there is a sense of common language, goals and decorum.   In this global gathering of different races, genders, ages, and experiences people find a way to come together and have fun.  And, particular to this game, while it is possible to play alone many of the quests can not be completed with the help of others.  The play parameters are set up in such a way as to promote community.

New Possibilities

I am excited to see that the world of video games is now opening up to exciting ways for us to think about global problems.  The UN has produced a game called Food Force (www.food-force.com), a free game that allows players to help a disaster torn island.  Companies are picking up this trend and developing games that can be used by kids to learn skills that are taught through memorization.

While some are using video games as their outlet, I am encouraged by the number of people who are longing for meaning and community.  I wonder what would happen if we started trying to live the ways our characters play?  Perhaps we can learn from them.