Joy and Balance

Allowing Your Success Momentum to Carry You Forward

Scott Mills, Ph.D.

For most of us where there is a new challenge in our lives, like finding a new job or learning a new skill, there is a nagging little voice in the back of our heads that tells us that we can’t do it.   It probably is busy inventorying all the ways that you have failed in your life and the many ways that you might just fail in your new venture.

But unless you were born yesterday, literally, you’ve had way more success in your life than you are probably giving yourself credit for.  Doing a success inventory and keeping it nearby when you hear those nagging thoughts is a great way to boost your confidence and remind yourself how capable you are of succeeding.

A success inventory is simple.  From your earliest childhood memories to the present, make a list of a minimum of 101 successes that you have had in your life.  Starting out small, you learned to walk and to talk, you probably learned to ride a bike and swim.  You may have graduated from high school or college.  Take the time now to do this inventory and post it somewhere you can see it.  Your new challenge is being backed up by a great wave of success.  Simply let your current challenge be the next one!

Scott Mills,Ph.D. is an expert in the world of work life balance.  As a life coach and consultant he works to create passion, purpose and power in the lives of extraordinary people just like you. You can read more of his blogs or find out more about him at www.joyandbalance.com

Partnering for Change: Finding a Coach Who Can Help Create New Possibility in Your Life

Scott Mills, Ph.D.

So you’ve made a decision to change something in your life.  Maybe you’ve asked your friends to support you in this change and even set up your home or office to make it easier.  Even with that, the help of a skilled coach might still be worth investigating especially if you have tried to make this change before and failed.  A coach can be your biggest ally as engage the three keys to making lasting change in your life.

Alan Deutschman, author of Change of Die, has made a career out of reporting on companies and individuals that are able to change in a fast paced world.   Over time he has seen a pattern emerge that is supported by a lot of research.  When we look at change efforts we see that there are three keys that really stand the test of time.  It is near impossible to turn all three of these keys alone.  A skilled coach can help make the difference.

Making the Holidays Meaningful: Honoring the True Spirit of Giving

Scott Mills, Ph.D.

    Christmas is supposed to look something like this.  There should be presents stacked to the ceilings and garland a plenty.   But is mass consumption really what the spirit of giving is all about?  Surely, the holiday giving spirit is, at its root, about really seeing the other person and giving a gift that matches them.   In the end it's all about connection.  So why not make your commitment this holiday season really be in the spirit of giving?  As one of my clients declared boldly this week, "this year, I commit to making the holidays a time of deep connection with friends and family!"  Here are a few ways that you might consider doing this.

1. Volunteer your time.   You don't need money to serve food to hungry people during the holidays.  You just need a willingness to share you time and your energy.   Look people in the eye, offer them the gift of your service and affirm their dignity as someone worthy of being seeing and served.   You can find lots of opportunities to do this kind of volunteer work through local religious organizations, by calling your local shelters or checking out craigslist where opportunities to volunteer are frequently posted. 

The Way You Are Using the Internet Won't Find You Work! What the Internet Can and Can't Do

Scott Mills, Ph.D.

       Statistics about the Internet are hard to pin down.   One study from the Pew Internet Project reports that 52 million (and counting) have used the Internet as a job hunting resource.  Many of the people I have talked to use the Internet as one of their primary forms of job hunting.   While this may seem like a great idea, according to Richard Bowles, author of What Color is Your Parachute?, only 4% of job searchers find jobs directly through the Internet while some 70 to 80% finding jobs through some combination of networking strategies.   This doesn't mean that you should throw your computer out the window and stop searching on the net.   Rather, it means that we need to all be smarter about the ways that we use the Internet to find work.  

    Okay, let's acknowledge that for some jobs out there, like tech jobs, using the Internet can let you know where the jobs are.  However, in recent interviews with employees at Google, Genetech and other high tech San Francisco companies, I have been told that there is one system for internally connected applications and one for those people who come in cold.  Guess which one gets priority?  Obviously the internal one so even at Internet companies knowing someone there can be a big help to getting a job. 

So how do we use the Internet to further our job prospects?  Here are my five strategies for using the web as a force for job hunt success.

Networking Your Way Back to Work: Five More Networking Strategies

Scott Mills, Ph.D.

Clearly I'm a fan of networking.  Through it, I have found apartments, jobs, friends and even a relationship or two.  But networking is more art than science and some people take to it more easily than others.  For some, the idea of meeting people for the first time is akin to being on Survivor and asked to eat live bugs.  Regardless of whether you find networking a little difficult, are unsure of how do it, or are terrified, here are five more strategies to help you enjoy getting to networking your way back to work.  (For five more strategies, see Shaking Hands Out of Unemployment: Five Strategies to Get the Most Out of Networking).

Shaking Hands Out of Unemployment: Five strategies to get the most of networking

A lot of us have heard the statistics around networking and finding a new job.  We know that the Internet seems to land only about 4% of the jobs while networking lands at least 33% of jobs (some estimate as high as 76%).  And while those statics may motivate you to go get started, for many this is a daunting task.  Part of the reason job searching on the Internet is so appealing is that it is largely anonymous.  Many people feel embarrassed that they lost their jobs, like they did something wrong or they should have known better.   The reality is that the average life span for a job these days is between one and three years so looking for a job just means you are normal.  Once you accept that and decide to focus at least some of your energy on getting out and connecting with people, then you have to figure out how to do it.   Here are my five strategies for getting the most out of your networking experiences.

Unemployment Can Be Depressing: 5 Strategies to Re-Energize You

 It's no secret that unemployment can be depressing.   For many, the initial news can be followed by days of laying on the couch eating cheetos and watching TV.  Perhaps you just can't believe that you no longer have somewhere to go in the morning.   And the idea of putting in the energy to get another job sounds overwhelming. characterized by numbness, disbelief and even lethargy.   While for most people this period is a pretty natural response to loss, you can take one of the many online depression tests or seek help from a qualified mental health counselor if you feel like it is seriously disrupting your life.  For those who are experiencing mild depression, this article offers some tips on how to move forward.

Bruce Levine, Ph.D. argues, in his book Surviving America's Depression Epidemic that, as a nation, we are drowning in depression.  We have become so disconnected from each other and from the world around us that it is hard to keep our heads above water even when we are working.   The high rates of anti-depressant medications that people take (maybe as high as one in eight people) are a good sign of this.   Working helps distract many of us from the emptiness we are feeling so losing our work can be a real wake up call.  For others, their identity is built around their work so being unemployed is like not being a person.  

Dealing with the Anxiety of Unemployment: Five Easy Strategies for Keeping It Under Control

    When we are out of work it's easy to get anxious.  We wonder when we will find a job, will we make enough money, will we be able to pay the bills?  While these may be questions worth asking, most often they lock us in a downward spiral that makes actually doing the work of finding a new job pretty difficult.   Before we know it we can become so stressed out that we are frozen in fear, completely incapacitated.   There are better ways to deal with this level of stress.  Here are five strategies that take less than ten minutes to learn and can make a profound impact on your life.

Moving Beyond Unemployment: Regaining Our Sense of Connection

    Let's face it.  Unemployment can really stink.  When we lose our jobs we can become fundamentally disconnected from everything that's important to us.   For many Americans, even when we are working we feel like we are just keeping our heads above water.  When the job goes so does our identity, self-esteem, community and sense of purpose.   As depressing as this all may be, there is a path out of despair and back into meaningful work.  And for many, this may be an excellent opportunity to really challenge what work is about in their lives and find a different path. 

    We all know that losing our jobs can be profoundly disconnecting.  We tell people who we are by what we do.   I'm a nurse or a lawyer, a copy editor or a dog catcher.  Our professions function as shorthand for who we are.   In addition, we spend more time with the people at work than we spend with our families.  When we lose our jobs we become disconnected from our support network not to mention the familiar environment of our office.  And the depression that can follow losing our job may even disconnect us from our bodies.  If you have ever spent days on end on the couch feeling like you just don't have the energy to move you know what I'm talking about.