Joy and Balance

The Way You Are Using the Internet Won't Find You Work! What the Internet Can and Can't Do

Scott Mills, Ph.D.

       Statistics about the Internet are hard to pin down.   One study from the Pew Internet Project reports that 52 million (and counting) have used the Internet as a job hunting resource.  Many of the people I have talked to use the Internet as one of their primary forms of job hunting.   While this may seem like a great idea, according to Richard Bowles, author of What Color is Your Parachute?, only 4% of job searchers find jobs directly through the Internet while some 70 to 80% finding jobs through some combination of networking strategies.   This doesn't mean that you should throw your computer out the window and stop searching on the net.   Rather, it means that we need to all be smarter about the ways that we use the Internet to find work.  

    Okay, let's acknowledge that for some jobs out there, like tech jobs, using the Internet can let you know where the jobs are.  However, in recent interviews with employees at Google, Genetech and other high tech San Francisco companies, I have been told that there is one system for internally connected applications and one for those people who come in cold.  Guess which one gets priority?  Obviously the internal one so even at Internet companies knowing someone there can be a big help to getting a job. 

So how do we use the Internet to further our job prospects?  Here are my five strategies for using the web as a force for job hunt success.

Networking Your Way Back to Work: Five More Networking Strategies

Scott Mills, Ph.D.

Clearly I'm a fan of networking.  Through it, I have found apartments, jobs, friends and even a relationship or two.  But networking is more art than science and some people take to it more easily than others.  For some, the idea of meeting people for the first time is akin to being on Survivor and asked to eat live bugs.  Regardless of whether you find networking a little difficult, are unsure of how do it, or are terrified, here are five more strategies to help you enjoy getting to networking your way back to work.  (For five more strategies, see Shaking Hands Out of Unemployment: Five Strategies to Get the Most Out of Networking).

Shaking Hands Out of Unemployment: Five strategies to get the most of networking

A lot of us have heard the statistics around networking and finding a new job.  We know that the Internet seems to land only about 4% of the jobs while networking lands at least 33% of jobs (some estimate as high as 76%).  And while those statics may motivate you to go get started, for many this is a daunting task.  Part of the reason job searching on the Internet is so appealing is that it is largely anonymous.  Many people feel embarrassed that they lost their jobs, like they did something wrong or they should have known better.   The reality is that the average life span for a job these days is between one and three years so looking for a job just means you are normal.  Once you accept that and decide to focus at least some of your energy on getting out and connecting with people, then you have to figure out how to do it.   Here are my five strategies for getting the most out of your networking experiences.

Dealing with the Anxiety of Unemployment: Five Easy Strategies for Keeping It Under Control

    When we are out of work it's easy to get anxious.  We wonder when we will find a job, will we make enough money, will we be able to pay the bills?  While these may be questions worth asking, most often they lock us in a downward spiral that makes actually doing the work of finding a new job pretty difficult.   Before we know it we can become so stressed out that we are frozen in fear, completely incapacitated.   There are better ways to deal with this level of stress.  Here are five strategies that take less than ten minutes to learn and can make a profound impact on your life.

Moving Beyond Unemployment: Regaining Our Sense of Connection

    Let's face it.  Unemployment can really stink.  When we lose our jobs we can become fundamentally disconnected from everything that's important to us.   For many Americans, even when we are working we feel like we are just keeping our heads above water.  When the job goes so does our identity, self-esteem, community and sense of purpose.   As depressing as this all may be, there is a path out of despair and back into meaningful work.  And for many, this may be an excellent opportunity to really challenge what work is about in their lives and find a different path. 

    We all know that losing our jobs can be profoundly disconnecting.  We tell people who we are by what we do.   I'm a nurse or a lawyer, a copy editor or a dog catcher.  Our professions function as shorthand for who we are.   In addition, we spend more time with the people at work than we spend with our families.  When we lose our jobs we become disconnected from our support network not to mention the familiar environment of our office.  And the depression that can follow losing our job may even disconnect us from our bodies.  If you have ever spent days on end on the couch feeling like you just don't have the energy to move you know what I'm talking about.

Opening Yourself to Joy at Work: Compassion as a Pathway to Joy

Scott Mills, Ph.D.

How many of us have co-workers or employers that drive us crazy?  I have met very few people who haven't had this experience at one time or another.  So what do we do about it?  For most of us we complain to our friends and family until they are tired of hearing us go on.  In the work place, we might try to avoid the person or even go so far as to undermine what they are doing.  The big question is: At the end of the day does all of the complaining and avoiding get you anywhere except more frustrated?

For most of the answer is no.  Our frustration continues and perhaps we begin to anticipate the craziness that this person might bring into our lives.  We begin to view everything they say or do with suspicion or distain. And we find that we are spending our days defending ourselves.  Any time that we have to close ourselves down, we block some of the possibility for creativity in our lives.  We keep ourselves from seeing the full range of possibilities.   Not to mention the fact that all of this is just exhausting.  So why would we want to keep this pattern in our daily lives?

I have found that shifting our perspective on the difficult person often makes it easier to work with them.  You don't have to believe me.  In fact, it's unlikely that you will because your perspective about this difficult person has become so ingrained that you could hardly imagine them any other way.  However, try the following experiment and see what happens.

First, spend 15 minutes trying to imagine what it might feel like to be them.  What kind of life must they have had to be so angry or annoying or irresponsible (fill in your own blank here)?  Imagine the pain and the sorrows that they might have experienced in their lives.   See if you can connect with that pain.

Second, for one week take five minutes out of everyday and do a simple compassion meditation exercise for them.  The point of this exercise is to create a different kind of connection with the person.  The easiest way to do this is to find a quiet space where you can be undisturbed.  Close your eyes and bring to mind someone that you feel great love for.  Let yourself feel the feeling of that love, the opening in your heart when you imagine them, the warmth that may move through your body.  Now imagine this difficult person and see if you can direct that compassionate, loving energy towards them.  Hold that feeling.  If while you are imagining them angry or frustrated thoughts come up acknowledge them and continue to focus on compassion.  You have spent plenty of time with the frustrating thoughts already.

The possibility in this exercise is that you may begin to open yourself to a new way of being in relationship with this person.  The differences may be subtle at first but just think of how differently you experience people who actively care about you.  This may seem like a lot of time to devote to someone who is difficult for you, but imagine the amount of energy that you will release if you can find ways to work or be with them rather than against them.

For more information on Dr. Scott Mills, Ph.D. and his work as a professional life coach, consultant and workshop leader, please visit his website at www.JoyandBalance.com or you may email him at scott@JoyandBalance.com

What Is "Good Work" Anyway?

Scott Mills, Ph.D.

So many people that I talk to are unsatisfied with their jobs.  They want to be doing something more meaningful, more important, something that contributes to the world.  They are searching for good work.  But what exactly is good work?

E.F. Schumacher provides an excellent starting point for defining good work.  He writes, "traditional wisdom teaches that the function of work is at heart threefold: (1) to give a person a chance to further utilize his faculties; (2) to enable him to overcome his inborn egocentricity by joining with other people in a common task; and (3) to bring forth goods and services need by all of us for a decent existence."  These three criteria provide a map for work that is worth exploring further.

    First, work is about developing ourselves as human beings.  This means that we actually have to be aware of and understand ourselves.  Even when we are aware of our gifts, many of us are not given the chance to use them at work.  In an expansive survey covering about 1.7 million Americans, the Gallup organization asked whether people felt like they were able to use their greatest strengths at work.  Only 20% of the respondents said that they were able to.

    Knowing our own passions and connecting them to our work makes work feel more like play than work.  Buddhist teacher, Lewis Richmond, wrote, "What is most distinctive about play is that there is no room for dishonesty or self-deception about it.  When we can play at our work seriously, the way children do when they are totally devoted to building a sand castle or playing hide and seek, a safe haven opens up within us, a kind of freedom."  This opens up an avenue for employers to support employees to find their strengths and exercise them at work and for individuals to work toward the same goal.

    The second criteria of good work is that it is done in community and it connects us to something bigger than ourselves.  In an interesting study entitled The Search for Meaning in the Workplace, a group of ministers and economists concluded that, "Above all meaningful work is about human connectedness.  For work to be meaningful it must enhance our ability to connect to others, ourselves, and the ground of our being spiritually, intellectually, emotionally and physiologically.  Whether working alone or in a group, meaningful work leads to the growth and development of the individual worker as well as the group as a whole."   How many of us can say that this is the way that we work?  How might we be able to invite changes that would make our work feel more connected and whole? 

    The poet David Whyte writes, "the intrinsic worth of work lies in the fact that it connects us to larger, fiercer worlds where were are forced to remember first priorities."  There is something magnificent about thinking about our work as a means to really connect to what is important in the world.  Can you imagine if your work was able to connect you more deeply to your family, your self, to care for the planet?

    The third criteria for good work is that is produces something useful. For Buddhists, right livelihood (or good work) is defined at its core by its ability to cause a minimum of suffering to others.   But beyond that our work is our legacy.  It is that which we do to make the world and the people in it more whole.  Theologian Matthew Fox writes that work is "ultimately about hope, the hope that we will leave something behind when we die."  For many us, asking what my work will leave behind when I am no longer here would take us to an empty place.  For many of us seeing our work this way is difficult.  But it's not impossible.

    There are people all over the world who are working to invest work with more meaning.  Who are calling for there to be something greater than working to make someone else rich.  This is not a call to overthrow our system but rather to make it more humane and to treat all people with dignity and respect.   We begin by imagining that it is possible and then looking for small changes in our lives where these things can become reality!

For more information on Dr. Scott Mills, Ph.D. and his work as a professional life coach, consultant and workshop leader, please visit his website at www.JoyandBalance.com or you may email him at scott@JoyandBalance.com

Finding Ourselves On the Path of Vocation

Scott Mills, Ph.D.

The word vocation is most often used in religious circles.  It expresses a sense of calling.  This word has been greatly undervalued in our culture.  As human, there is important work to do in our world.  We know the perils of pollution, HIV/AIDS, global warming and poverty that face us. Fundamentally we want to be doing good work that opens us to ourselves and allows us to do something good in the world. But we rarely think of trash collector, accountants, plumbers, homemakers, and many others that you could imagine as called.  Chances are you may not believe that there is anything special that you could be doing in the world.   The time has come for us to all realize there is something important that we are called to do in the universe.  And this does not necessarily mean leaving the path that you are currently on.  Perhaps it is only to deepen the path and find a greater sense of meaning on it.

    The novelist, Herman Hesse, wrote in Demian, "Each man has only one genuine vocation...His task was to discover his own destiny - not an arbitrary one - and live it wholly and resolutely within himself.  Everything else was only a would-be existence, an attempt at evasion, a flight back to the ideals of the masses, conformity and fear of one's own wholeness."  Theologian Fredrick Buechner defines our sense of call, or vocation, as the "place where our deepest gladness and the world's deepest hunger meet."

    It is not surprising that we often choose not to take this journey.  It is full of risk and challenge and our culture has trained us to value safety and comfort above all else.  For some of us, however, the immortal words of Helen Keller ring in our ears. "Life is either a daring adventure or nothing."   We realize that life is a precious gift not to be wasted but rather to be danced through and loved.

    Risk is not a fun word and following our hearts always involves some risk.  But it is worth it.  There are a number of risks that I have found in my studies of vocation that I will mention here.

    First, we must risk seeing ourselves as we really are.  This does not mean that we judge ourselves but rather we open ourselves up to a world of possibility beyond our imagining.  We see ourselves for all of the capacity and potential that we harbor.  This is a scary thought for many.  If we are full of gifts and possibilities it might mean we have to do something about it.  Marianne Williamson writes, "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.  Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.  It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.  We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous?"  Actually, who are you not to be?  You are a child of God.  Your playing small doesn't serve the world.  There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.  We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.  It's not just in some of us.  It's in everyone.  And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.  As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

    Second, following the calling of our heart often involves challenging our way of thinking about security and safety.  For most of us this has something to do with money.  We see it as a safety net that keeps us secure and if we give up money we become scared.  There is nothing to be ashamed of in this.  It is the truth for many and we have to decide if safety is really the value that we want to follow.  And, we have the option to decide to open ourselves slowly to more risk.  Finding your calling is a process rather than a destination.

    Third, following our own path has the potential to threaten our old relationships and introduce us to new ones.  This is true whenever people make a change in their lives.  Our friends and relations wonder if the "new me" will like the "old them?"  And sometimes our friends and family actually sabotage us so they don't have to take this risk.  (Ever met an alcoholic in recovery?  Ask them if their old bar buddies enjoy hanging out with them now?)  So the journey to find your own path can be lonely and we may lose some of the old friends we had.  Often in the process a whole new set of people arrive that fit with where we are.  This process actually happens over and over throughout our lives.  You can test this by asking yourself how many of your friends you still have from first grade?  Or from high school?  Or from previous jobs you worked?  We often reform our social groups in our culture as we find different groups that fit who we are better.

    It may be becoming clear to you that there is really very little opportunity without risk.  So the fourth opportunity that we have on this path is to touch deeply into our own sense of pain and woundedness, our fears and desires.  In the Star Wars trilogy young Luke's final challenge to prove that he is ready to face his destiny is to go into a cave, unarmed, and to face in his nakedness his own fears.  He discovers that Darth Vader is his father and must struggle with this throughout the rest of the film.  Episcopal Priest Elizabeth O'Connor writes, "At the center of our pain, we glimpse a fairer world and hear a call.  When we are able to keep company with our own fears and sorrows, we are shown the way to go; our own parched lives are watered and our heart becomes a greener place." 

    The fifth opportunity/ risk in following our heart is that we realize this is an evolutionary path.  The journey does not bring us to an ending but to new beginnings.  It brings us to a place where we are able to be more open to what is happening around us and make decisions from the heart.  In every decision that we make, in every moment of our lives, we are able to live out our sense of call.  Victor Frankl makes a clear case for this.   During World War II he spent years in a NAZI death camp separated from his wife and family.  During his time there, he started to recognize that some men seemed to rise above the horrifying circumstances.  Eventually he came to realize that the one's who survived were the men who could maintain a sense of meaning.  It was then that he realized that they had been asking the wrong questions. He writes,

    "What was needed was a fundamental change in our attitude toward life.  We had to learn ourselves and, furthermore, we had to teach the despairing men, that it did not really matter what we expected from life, but rather what life expected from us.  We needed to stop asking about the meaning of life, but instead to think of ourselves as being questioned by life - daily and hourly.  Our answer must consist, not in talk and meditation, but in right action and right conduct.  Life ultimately means taking the responsibility to find the right answers to is problems and to fulfill the tasks which it constantly sets for each individual."

    One of the most important shifts that we can make as we work to be in greater community with ourselves, each other and the earth is to realize that we all have a deep sense of call in our lives.  We are all to something greater; a tremendous adventure awaits us all!

For more information on Dr. Scott Mills, Ph.D. and his work as a professional life coach, consultant and workshop leader, please visit his website at www.JoyandBalance.com or you may email him at scott@JoyandBalance.com